I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
