i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The ass gains better be worth it
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