She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize