the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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