I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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