I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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