Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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