i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
