I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
