shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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