He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
