she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
