i just wanna soil my oats bro
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize