Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
