I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
