If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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