white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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