I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
