Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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