I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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