Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
