I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am one with the molecules
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
