Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
