hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
