Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
