My room smells like vodka and shame
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
