I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
