She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
