i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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