So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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