Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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