He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
