After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
