Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
