i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
two words: eviction party
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
