we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
