i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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