I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
