On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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