the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this is an emotional support booty call
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
