he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
