**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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