I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
