I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize