the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
