I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
