I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize