Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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