dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
