Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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