I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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