Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
