I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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