I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
