my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize