your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
