So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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