K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
