I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
