How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
