Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
