i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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