I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
