He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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